Right then, this time it has gone fully weird. My dream started off in what I believe to be the old hall from my school. Desks were laid out as if exams were taking place, but all the seats were filled with random people of all ages. I was sitting next to Steve (from work) but Nick (also from work) had decided we weren’t allowed to sit together any more because we were distracting each other. The desk moving crew were called in and lifted Steve and his desk over to a new location near the back of the hall. Then some old lady dressed in a shiny green dress ran past, there was some mumbling amongst the other old ladies sitting at the desks, who then passed around a large green pad of foam and hid it under one desk leaving it sticking out a bit. The green-dress lady ran back down the aisle and tripped over the foam pad only to be caught by all the other old ladies. It then went a bit theatrical and everyone watched a performance of the ladies amputating green-dress lady’s leg (!?). Once the leg had been chopped off, the lights dimmed and the DJ (where did he come from?) announced the sexy police woman had arrived. The aforementioned police woman turned out to be Vicky wearing something not dissimilar to the costume worn by Amy Pond in Doctor Who and I was most annoyed that my dad started calling me from the bathroom to assist with a plumbing emergency. So off I toddled to my bathro0m… jump back a bit here because I was no longer in my school hall, but my house which isn’t actually my house at all. Dad was attempting to put my sink back on the wall but couldn’t hold the sink and bodge holes in the plasterboard at the same time. He bunged a screwdriver through but it made the hole too large so we’d have to fill it in and start again, but it didn’t matter by this point because it was raining and dark outside and some maniac in a Noddy car was terrorizing the cats out on the front drive. I know there was more to this dream but I can’t remember it all – I think that’ll do for the moment though. All I need now is for Joseph to get a little older so he can tell me what it means.

Thanks to the sudden onset of SteveFlu (which is like ManFlu, only the source is known), those weird vivid dreams are back. Last night was bizarre so hold on, here goes: The first thing I remember is that I was staying in a posh hotel walking towards the lift. I was carrying a towel and my nose was bunged up and snotty (which reflects the real world… apart from the towel). I had been working at some event (TechEd???) and was wearing a crew T-shirt. I got in the lift and took it to my floor and got out, turning left. My room was at the end of the corridor on the right in the corner before a left hand turn. The walls are all marble black and shiny. I go in my room and as I shut the door, a maid turns up. She’s slim with dirty blonde hair, a bit minging, and has very very hairy arms. She starts talking to me all foreign (!?) until another maid turns up (large, old, like Nanny out of Duckula only human) and translates. She is suggesting I go to a bar down the road and gives me directions. Then I’m walking down a road with Rimmer and Kryton from Red Dwarf in front of me on our way to the bar. Apparently I’m staying with them at the hotel. We walk past a shop on our right which has a window display full of TVs. The TVs are all showing a stop-animation children’s program similar to Camberwick Green, only this show was set in a mining scenario with big mountains in the background. I chatted with someone about whether they could do that in 3D nowadays, if they’d be able to just re-master the old footage, or if they’d have to reanimate the whole program. Next thing I know I’m in my lounge (not my lounge, but I seemed to think it was my lounge) with an entire set for the show built up, mountains running up the walls. We (there were a whole crew with me) were setting up for a shot where an explosion happens in the mountains, so I was rigging an explosive charge up behind some rocks, running the fuse around the wall and in to the hallway where I would set it off. Once I lit the fuse, it burnt out quickly without running the whole length to the charge, so I had to go back in the set room to light it again. I lit it and stood back, the charge exploded and a rock went flying. Just at that moment Edward, the vampire from Twilight jumped out and grabbed the rock before it hit some girl in the head….

Sorry guys, I didn’t have any dreams that I could remember last night so I assume that this series has come to an end – things do tend to come in threes. Anyway if you would like to assist towards my therapy costs then click on one of my adverts.. thanking thee!

Last night, another mentalist dream which fully crosses the border of surrealism. I was part of a ‘crew’ performing a set-up stunt in the style of TV’s The Real Hustle. We were in the process of preparing for ‘the con’ which would involve stealing some sort of paper document and placing it in a car belonging to the same person who owns the aforementioned paperwork. Here’s how it went: Set in the backdrop of May Lane shops (see map here) the first part of the dream I can remember was me and someone else carrying a very large roll of paper (about 6 foot long) wrapped in a dark green plastic bag out of one of the shops (I think it was what used to be the hair dressers), down some steps and in to Stars newsagents. It must be noted at this point that none of the shops were actually shops in this dream, they were just emptyish glass fronted buildings… Somebody saw us taking these documents, raised the alarm and a security guard starting chasing us. We made it in to Stars and put the documents in the car (a silver Toyota MR2). Once we got in there though we were trapped.. the door was locked and other people in the shop weren’t impressed either. As this was supposed to be a TV show and the various celebreties who were meant to pop up during the show hadn’t turned up, coupled with us noticing that the film crew weren’t around either we got very worried and panicked. I decided, in agreement with my unknown colleague, that I should go and get help from the cast of Most Haunted as we were sure that Yvette Fielding and Derek Acorah would know how to get us out of this mess (!?). I managed to escape through the front door of the shop (wasn’t it locked?) and this is where it all went a little strange (yes, that first part wasn’t strange). It turns out that this row of shops isn’t actually a row of shops, it’s a row of buildings on the top deck of an enormous submersible ship with climbing ropes and rigging all over the place. I clamber across the ropes to get to a door which takes me down in to the ship. I’m presuming by now that the ship is owned by my employer as I’m seeing many familiar faces from my workplace in the ship. The walls, ceiling and floors are all painted a bright green and I make my way to the front of the ship through many doors, passing lots of people I know. When I get to the front of the ship I see a poster on the wall with a layout of the ship on it and as I turn the corner to my right, there’s a bit of a party going on. Drinks are being handed out (to more people from work) in cocktail glasses but you aren’t allowed to walk any further around the boat because yellow and black tape blocks the way. And then the dream ended…..